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The Roving Eye ::
What should you do if your lover just can't stop staring at others? Read on to find out...
Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you're dead to all
but the one you're with, but there is a difference between an appreciation of
the opposite sex and plain disrespect.
It is only natural to check out someone of the opposite sex who is attractive.
However, it's really ok if one is subtle about it, and doesn't sit there very
obviously gawking at the person.
It's easier for many to intellectually deal with the roving eye, but can get
difficult at times to emotionally deal with it if the partner (and this is
applicable as much for women as for men) behaves completely mesmerised. In fact,
most people hardly feel any jealousy if the 'look' is a mere appreciative glance
but to have your partner practically lusting over someone else's is a completely
different issue, especially if you're emotionally involved with the man, for it
is going to hurt.
The annoying truth is that no matter how truly wonderful your partner might be
in other ways, at some point you will have to confront them about this habit.
But the question is, how do you deal with it?
ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS?
If it's a short-term thing, then why fret? Enjoy the moment, have fun and don't
worry about it. Let your partner enjoy looking and flirting with others and you
can do the same too. But if you're serious about your lover and have deeper
feelings, you need a way out of this problem. If the level of commitment from
both sides is high, it's a good idea to sit down and talk about the issue.
IS IT OGLING OR LECHING?
To clarify: ogling is giving an appreciative glance; leching is more obvious and
shameless behaviour, such as stopping in the street and turning round to get a
better view of the attractive person passing by. It may involve making comments.
Let's face it, we all have an eye for pretty faces and toned bodies. An
attractive face naturally turns heads. So though your partner's ogling habit can
be painful, it still falls under the 'OK' heading. But all-out leching is
completely unacceptable. If your partner indulges in a spot of ogling from time
to time, learn to face it or move on. However, if they lech, and rather often,
then you're perfectly entitled to turn the tables on them. Warning: A
partner who consistently leches at your friends in your company is really a
non-starter. Move on immediately.
ARE YOU OVER-REACTING?
The roving eye could be a figment of your imagination if you are overly
possessive. Before you do the talking be sure you aren't blowing an occasional
turn of his head into a fully fledged infidelity claim. Ask a (trusted) friend
if they think your lover's behaviour is disrespectful – this can help you gain
some perspective if you suspect that your view of the situation may be linked to
your own insecurities.
EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM
Do this in a calm, controlled way, preferably not straight after an ogling/leching
incident. Ask your lover, in a reasonable tone, not to be so obvious because you
don't like it. Explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Don't let
unnecessary emotional baggage like any lingering insecurity divert you from your
point – and avoid screaming matches. It's important that you stay in control of
the situation; the idea here is simply to get the point across and help sort the
matter out.
DON'T FALL FOR EXCUSES
If your lover comes up with the most likely response: they have to check out
other people to re-establish that you're the best, don't accept it. If they
really love you, they don't need to constantly re-affirm it – and definitely not
by leching at others. Laugh it off and demand a smarter explanation or
recognition that their behaviour is unacceptable.
YOUR LAST RESORT
If, after you've both talked, they continue with their behaviour, give them a
taste of their own medicine. Make flirty eye contact with others, pass
appreciative comments, drool a little, hang on their every word, laugh at their
jokes… you get the idea. And when asked about it, let your eyes wander again,
before smiling at them lovingly as if they've just come back into focus. A
vague, 'Sorry darling, what was that?', should be enough to teach them the
lesson. Meanwhile, enjoy the flirting and if the roving eye is still not gone…
make sure you are.